The Super Bowl has just finished, and yes, it’s a good day to be from Los Angeles, except for the traffic. But one thing that people love to talk about - COMMERCIALS!

This is the first year, I haven’t really livetweeted the commercials, mostly because I knew I wanted to do this write-up, and second… BECAUSE THERE REALLY WASN''T MUCH?

Like, a good chunk of them were ads for Peacock, which is always the cop-out, usually, whoever gets the broadcast rights to this game, will get the glory of having promotions for their channel and TV shows sprinkled throughout, that has pretty much always been the case since this thing started. We’re just in a modern era where there’s now streaming! Paramount Plus for CBS, Peacock for NBC…. uhhhh… I think Hulu for ABC and Fox?

This year, also saw a good chunk of cryptocurrency, electric cars, and barely did i see any munch, AND I LIKE TO MUNCH!

So here are some of my favorite ads from the Super Bowl, or the ones that I vaguely remember….

My “winner” was simply McDonalds, for having the “Can I Get uhhhhhh” catchphrase, the calling card to any person who has ever been an employee of McDonalds working the register, the guy holding up the line, or just you looking and getting confused. Yes, there was celebrity cameos like Kanye, but more importantly - THE GRIMACE IS BACK!

Anyway, get the Big Mac with a side of nuggets, but if BURGES aren’t your thing, TACO BELL also had a clever ad this year…

The story is set in a weird world where Doja Cat was never a successful Twitch Streamer and Musician, and instead went to a… Clown College? One Day Doja Cat saw a sauce packet from Taco Bell and made an escape out of the Clown College, and on her visit with other clowns, magically turned their car into a cool car for cool people, and a cool cowboy, and a cool dude with a leather jacket. Either way, it radiated bisexual energy, in way that finally made me feel seen on television, WAY TO GO TACO BELL!

A sloth took some flamin’ hot cool ranch doritos (which are also at taco bell now) and him and a bunch of animals perform the theme song to Supermarket Sweep, “Push It” by Salt N’ Pepa, which much like “Where is My Mind” by Pixies has just suddenly went all over the place on the pop-culture-sphere.

And in terms of beverages, yeah there was a Budweiser Horse, and a Bud Light… Zero Sugar? I think? But the winner for the beverages, had to be the one for….

BUD LIGHT
SELTZER
HARD SODA

which, yeah, is three different beverages, but I guess that’s now names work? at least that’s what the can looks like, it could also be some sort of slogan like BUD - “Light Seltzer, Hard Soda” or some other weird combination that will make my brain very loopy.

Have they sold me on soda? Probably, as the Mayor of Flavortown is… a Flavor Emperor? A Flavor Dictator? It never really specified the geopolitical concept of this fictional planet.

But not since Ritz Crackers has Guy Fieri finally brough on that FLAVOR SLAMMA JAMMA

I seldom drink, most Hard Seltzers I find taste like GARBO (hey, you can’t compete with Perrier in bubbly water, stop trying) But I will say - if these cans pour and look like the COLORS I AM SEEING, and promises flavor, then MAYBE I IWLL PICK THEM UP?

I am really tired of hard seltzers tasting gross, and “soda flavored seltzer” to taste like seltzer. GIVE ME THE BOOZY ROOT BEER OR WHATEVER, I’M A GROWN ASS ADULT, otherwise I have to make a rum and coke, and i’m very tired.

But if alcohol isn’t for you, because maybe you’re under age…. LIQUID DEATH has you covered. In what is probably the smartest ad of the Super Bowl. It was just children chugging cans of Liquid Death and getting into “frat guy stuff” while a pregnant mom looks onward and drinks a can as well. The marketing strategy worked, because everything about it screams “alcohol” or “dangerous” or some sort of edgy bullshit, but… it literally is JUST WATER.

That going from aggression and shock value, to calming water… is a perfect sale, at least to me. Kids getting MAD WASTED ON CANS OF WATER, giving you knowledge of the product, and it being that actual irrelevant/shock value that you want.

I don’t know if it is “Darth Vader Opening a Car” successful, but whatever ad team created this should be celebrating and partying, because THIS WORKED AND I BOUGHT SOME ASAP

From Amazon, and yes, that’s my horrible segue into the ScarJo and Colin Jost ad. I am not a fan of SNL, however, I will say there was a level of comedy and whimsy about this ad that is very self-aware about the “alexa is following me/spying on me” and treating it like a joke of how far it could go.

So, I applaud Motoko Kusanagi and one of the main writers for “Kappa Mikey” on their amazing comedy work together in this commercial.

Speaking of Comedy Duos!

Ken Jeong and Joel McHale, who are famous for being “The Duo That Does The Fox New Years Thing” and separated are known for “Card Sharks” and “I Can See Your Voice”, both of which had second seasons, have a friendly conversation about Planters Mixed Nuts - do you eat them one at a time, or together?

To which a big disagreement happened, concluding with hundreds of people storming the Planters Offices wanting to “Stop The Steal” over a Twitter Poll not telling them the truth - I have a nut allergy.

THE SECTION ABOUT CRYPTO CURRENCY AND NFTS

I am not an expert in this market, I feel cryptocurrency is not really the golden egg people make it out to be. I think NFTs are beanie babies and are laughably bad, but in many ways, I can see a “general good” in Bitcoin and Cryptocurrency - as long as it’s safe, humane and not dark web moon money.

It’s become to younger audiences what gold was to that grandpappy of yours who reads too many business reports and “thinks it’s a safe investment” - like all investables, if it has value to you, that’s all that matters, and selling it for profit, is just general business and enterprise. You do you, much like Sports Betting, be willing to lose what you are willing to burn, it’s this or lottery tickets.

Larry David decided to say no to all the innovations of the world, including cryptocurrency. And for the case of this ad - an app that acts as a wallet to your crypto and NFTs. Maybe he doesn’t own any crypto to have a need, or maybe he’s just a little protective of his money after Doge took a crash. WHO KNOWS. Or maybe, he spent money on another crypto wallet app?

Coinbase, which is also a crypto wallet, decided against the star of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and instead did a DVD-screensaver but of a QR CODE, which when scanned sent you to the Coinbase website, joining gets you $15 in bitcoin and there is a contest to win $1,000,000 in bitcoin,

And FULL DISCLOSURE - i signed up and took their $15 in bitcoin. Yeah, it’s probably going to be valued at like $2 by the end of the night, but whatever. I got bribed, I’ll take your bribe in Bitcoin, I AINT CARE.

It did have that “elon musk meme ha ha” to it, but, i think that curiosity was really cool, even though THEY CRASHED THE GOSH DANG WEBSITE

My least favorite, was LeBron talking to an NBA 2K render of LeBron James as they talk about the future of his career in basketball. Considering this takes place in 2003, maybe he could talk to him about “investing all that money in Bitcoin and making 10,000x returns”. It’s also to sell another Crypto Wallet, but this one is where The Los Angeles Lakers play, that used to be called Staples Center, with Kobe Bryant, so for all the sports nerds out there today - this one was like a 1-2 Punch in the gut.

THE ELECTRIC CAR SHUFFLE

I don’t have enough money to buy a car, but I appreciate the push for electric cars at the Super Bowl. Arnold being famous for Hummers, being in Palm Springs with an Electric BMW is probably one of the bigger surprises of the year, the “retire in palm springs” stereotype is hilarious and considering the “can this charge” help, he must really enjoy electricity that much.

Hey, remember Austin Powers, that movie that was from the 1990s in which a spy from the 1960s was frozen in time and then everything changes around him, showing generational divide, but also how progress is always important when it comes to change?

Anyway 30 years later from that movie, it’s 2020s and Dr Evil is there, who owns General Motors (which good investment) and now has to save the environment… to take over the world.

At no point did Mike Myers decide to do Austin Powers going “NO STOP DR EVIL, CARBON EMISSIONS ARE GROOVY BABY, LOOK AT CLEAN COAL, IT’S SHAGADELLIC”, maybe because he was late for a crypto app commercial, I do not know.

Kia made a touching story, about a robot dog finding a home, and ending up chasing a car. It’s really a touching and wholesome story, until you question if Robot Dogs are still an electric device people buy these days, and if this is still technically theft at the electronics store.

And finally, it’s not an electric car, but I figured “hey, maybe put this here” because THE JONES, Rashida, Leslie and Tommy Lee all driving their cars and then a Jonas shows up …. celebrity sponsorships are worth it!

There was even a recreation of the theme song to “The Sopranos” with the electric Chevy Silverado, and I would like to think of this as the new ending to The Sopranos. Bada Bings is still open for business, Meadow and Anthony are reconnecting after the loss of the parents because of Jail Time and Death. And plan to turn a new leaf…. THROUGH ELECTRIC VEHICLES.

But the winner for the car department is “Polestar”, a brand that is new, and from VOLVO (don’t tell anybody that) that aims to compete against “Tesla” in that electric vehicle space, but also, having been inside a prototype of one before pandemic (Polestar 1) it really is a vehicle that is trying to accommodate everybody. The commercial was more of a “lets introduce the brand” approach, by eliminating bells and whistles, and eventually, there might even be self-driving features, which means, I’m only a few years away from just munching a whole pizza in Los Angeles Traffic, and not having it be “because of bumper-to-bumper”

AND THE REST

Jim Carey reprises his role as The Cable Guy to sell Verizon 5G Internet (without cable) and i really hope the internet isn’t lagging when I run netflix on that, if i ever get it, BECAUSE MY PHONE SERVICE RIGHT NOW? YUCK!

Lovable Dreamboat and mancrush Idris Elba talked about Booking.com and I think its a travel company, I’m still lost in his eyes and voice right now…. wait he’s Knuckles?

Disney + had an ad, I know it’s surprising because I was seeing lots of PEACOCK, for wrestling for… BELAIR for… I think the new Jurassic Park? DID YOU KNOW ANTHONY ANDERSON IS ON LAW AND ORDER NOW?

Anyway, Here are goats that look like Disney IP, makes about as much sense as Kingdom Hearts 3. But GOAT means Greatest of All Time… I always thought there was one, so I will let everybody fight what is the Greatest Disney of All Time.

It’s Pete’s Dragon. But we aren’t ready to have that conversation.

Sally sells sea shells by the seashore and thanks to squarespace, she can expand into alliteration thats also a tongue twister. I use SquareSpace for this website, but yet, BUT YET, i have nothing to sell… damn it.

And finally, Paul Rudd and Seth Rogan enjoy lays chips in a comedy where he marries a spooky ghost. I don’t like Spooky.

BUT THE MOVIE TRAILERS

I think movie trailers are okay, but much like Peacock, I kind of blurred all of them, I think I saw The Flash, but then again, I also saw X-Men? I think there was Doctor Strange, but also, MOON KNIGHT, and I like Moon Knight so I hope it does well. Most movies wind up on a streaming service anyway, so I just looked at them and went “oh that will be fun to see on HBO Max and Disney + in a few months!”

My biggest regret is not getting that Pepsi Donut from Randy’s. THEY SOLD OUT, AND I THINK ITS THE ULTIMATE DONUT FOR A PEPSIMAN FAN LIKE MYSELF.

But oh well, I’ll just enjoy a pepsi zero sugar and baked lays and have a good sunday.